The Fangs, the Wands and the Sonic Screwdrivers
by Blue Mistfall
Summary: The Second Doctor, Jamie and Victoria have to stay on Earth for a while. But will they be able not to become the object of suspicion? The result promises to be very unexpected...


There was a shadow in front of the now-lighted window of the house on the opposite side of the street. Nothing special, eh? Except the fact that this house had been abandoned for years. Formally, it had hosts, but they had been there only once.

As soon as fourteen-year-old Eugenie Stratton noticed that the "half-abandoned" house's windows were lighted from the inside (not with electric light, but with dim, as if from fireplace), she hurried to her room, overfilled with curiosity. Having found her small binoculars, she switched the lights off, hid herself behind the curtain and began watching.

This house had bad reputation. Why? Because it was haunted. Everybody who had owned it sooner or later had begun to complain about weird sounds filling it. There had been so many comparisons - with fire cracking, with lasers shooting, with breathing, with engine working, with anything, but all in all this noise had scared everyone away.

Eugenie glanced at her watch - it was 9:47 p.m. - and resumed her "spying". The shadow in the window was standing, its arms up, as if it was leading an orchestra. Who was that? A man, a little man in baggy clothing. It wasn't seen exactly if he was young or old, but it was clear that he was going to stay for some time. Perhaps for quite a while, and it didn't seem to bother him that the house was spirited.

* * *

The Doctor was fixing the broken window frame with his sonic screwdriver. Yes, it was wooden, but its base was metal, so why not? Besides, all the screws had to be fixed, as well as the locks.

"Here, that should do for a while". Jamie entered the room, carrying three empty air-beds. "You asked for them? Victoria went to get the blankets".

"Mm-hmm, thanks... There should be the pump somewhere..." The Doctor finished his work and leaded to the TARDIS. "Oh crumbs".

"Crumbs" was the wrong word. The result of one more "small" mistake was more than just rough landing. This time the TARDIS had managed to land, having half-caught the house they were in now inside her. The trick was that the house itself hadn't changed from the outside, but inside the place had merged with the TARDIS interior. What a mess of dimensions! Luckily the Doctor had managed to set the "careful dematerialisation and then coming back", as he had called it, but this required time, and staying inside the TARDIS itself for a long time wasn't safe (short trips for needed things were to be quick, and they were soon to end for a while), so there was no other choice than to stay in this house.

"Now the main task for us is not to attract any attention", the Doctor informed, when all the "first things first" were finished.

But it was too late.

* * *

As soon as Eugenie came to school next morning, she revealed that she wasn't alone in her watching the new neighbours. And also that her watching was pretty harmless, while her classmates were already making theories. And what theories! Eugenie was hardly holding her laughter when listening to them, but at the same time she was boiling with rage. No, she wasn't a saint, she did watch the mysterious man in the window, but she did it from her window, not from the closer points!

"You sure?" Babs Anders asked - Eugenie entered the classroom in the middle of their talk.

"I am. He is a wizard!" Jeannie Hiver replied with the most serious face ever. "I've seen it. He was making screws drill into the window-frame by their own, and he used a wand! I told you that I was right!"

"You're wrong, Jeans", sounded the voice of Lionel McAllister from the droning of everybody's voices. "Maybe you just saw it a bit not right. And why would you interfere the poor man's privacy?"

"Well, I don't want to wake up and reveal that his teeth are sunken into my throat!" Evelyn Perigore exclaimed, her over-made-up (and therefore seeming ridiculously large) eyes with longest lashes possible occupying at least half of her face. Lionel snorted with laughter, but Evelyn looked at him like at an imbecile: "What? Whoever can you find awake in the middle of the night, vanishing and appearing out of nowhere? Wish I caught his eye color..."

Eugenie rolled her eyes. Now madness was about to begin.

"And can you prove it?" Lionel asked sarcastically. Evelyn immediately produced her cell phone:

"Watch this! I know this house perfectly well, I've been there many times when I was small". She turned one of the recordings on - it must've been made from the tree opposite to one of the windows, Eugenie guessed. "Look. Here he walks along the corridor... and here he's gone!"

The "filming" had been done from all possible angles, and, surprisingly, this time Evelyn was right. On the phone screen the mysterious man walked behind one of the walls separating the windows - and, truly, was gone. There were no doors hidden from sight, nothing.

"Wish the picture wasn't so blurry", Evelyn complained.

"Still he's not a vampire, he's a wizard", Jeannie interfered. "He apparited!"

"Then why didn't we see his turning into a smoke column?"

Finally all class was involved in the discussion, except Eugenie and Lionel.

* * *

Talks, talks and talks, that's what it was, Eugenie thought when returning home. She was walking on the other side of the street than her house, so when she reached the "haunted" house, she stopped to take a glance. Nothing special, just an ordinary building, though obviously needing some repair.

In a second she abandoned that thought.

Something snatched her from behind, like a long think rope (or a snake - despite her shock, Eugenie felt that it was alive, thought the sensation wasn't the one like from a snake), having momentarily entangled around her, squeezing her neck. The girl didn't even have time to shout for help or to wriggle free - so quickly it happened. Colorful spots flashed in front of her eyes, she felt something like a needle thrusting into her throat...

Then the world went black. It wasn't even painful, it was very quick. After what seemed to be a moment Eugenie sensed something warm, soft and moist attached to her neck, moving rhythmically, as if trying to eat her. The vision wasn't quick to come back, unlike touch and hearing, and, perhaps, smell... The sounds were smacking and spitting, and it smelled like in grandmother's wardrobe.

"See? This is why we should finish it as soon as possible", a man's voice said, and something cool, though pulsing with life (slowly, too slowly), brushed Eugenie's forehead. "She'll be fine".

The girl groaned, her vision slowly restoring. The first thing she saw was the ceiling, there and here in wet spots (yeah, the roof needed some repair too), and then the swimming image of the one sitting next to her. Doubtlessly, this was the man whom she had seen from the window and in Evelyn's recording. Short, with a shock of jet-black hair, and all his clothes had seen better times... Eugenie's forehead became even sweatier than before when she saw that the man's lips were covered in blood, and she even attempted to move away, but her strength was gone. Where?..

"Am I so scary?" the little man asked, pretending to be offended. "Ah... It's okay". He smiled at her - gods, that was creepy: a nice-looking man (despite his being all messy he seemed to be kindly) with mouth surrounded by large red spot. "I had to get the poison out of you, and there was no other way..." He pulled a patch of cloth from his pocket and rubbed his lips clean.

"P-p-p... poison?" Eugenie mumbled, feeling as if she only had a head - nothing below obeyed her, together with being sunk in the large air-bed she was placed on.

"The Time and Space can contain most unexpected creatures", the little man mused. "That must've been the temporary temporal crack, through which this beast crawled here... Sounds like a bad tongue-twister, eh? Temporary temporal crack!"

"Which beastie?" sounded another voice, and two more people entered the room. The first was a young man in a white shirt with unfastened collar and... gosh, was that a kilt? Eugenie would've laughed if it weren't for two things: her barely returning life force and the fact that the lad had a short dagger in the scabbard attached to his belt. But that was the last thing about tricky outfits: the third person was a girl of about twenty or something, wearing a light brown narrow dress.

"Half-plant, half-snake, and only living for food", the little man informed. "It must have used that crack and came to this world... Luckily the old girl closed it quickly".

"Snake plant? Sounds horrible", the girl said, shaking a bit.

"And acts similarly", the little man went on. "See?" He pointed at Eugenie and addressed her: "How d'you feel now?"

"B-better", Eugenie replied - her strongest urge now was to rub her neck covered in goo on the one side. "What's it all about?.. I have a feeling as if my brains were changed to porridge".

"To say easy, the snake plant wanted to poison you and eat you while you're still warm", the little man informed casually. "Thank goodness I found it out right on time... Don't worry, you're perfectly safe now, you just need some rest. I got the poison out of you".

So that's what it had been, Eugenie realized. Yes, it all sounded ridiculous, but that seemed to be the only reasonable explanation... And this is why there had been blood on the little man's lips - he had sucked the venom out of her wound. That would've been a blast if someone cracked like Evelyn had seen this... Almost instinctively Eugenie blinked to make her vision as clear as before to catch the colour of the little man's eyes. At first they seemed jade green, then hazel, but finally settled down - they revealed to be light blue and with some unearthly twinkle in them.

"Will there be any more such attacks?" the lad asked.

"Em... I don't think so, Jamie. The being must be strong enough to get through the crack which opens by accident, and the probability is small, so... But I'll still try to mend the alarm". The little man produced a small book in black leather cover with letters 500 YEAR DIARY and looked through it. "Seems like I've taken some notes about this..."

"Why didn't anyone come to help me?" Eugenie managed to ask. "There must be panic outside if what you tell is the truth!"

"It's not so easy, my sweet", the little man replied without stopping turning the pages over. "I've taken care for residents not to notice the possible failures. Covered it all. In other words, they won't see or hear anything... unless one more attack takes place, then only the victim will be aware of it. Like you... Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so impolite. I'm the Doctor, those are Jamie and Victoria".

"Eugenie", the girl replied.

* * *

The next morning Eugenie went to school as usually - she had returned home the previous evening, having explained her being absent for longer time than usual with "urgent need to get prepared to the biology project". Actually, if to put it simply, it was more like a collective project. The Doctor had told her what was going on, having claimed that he saw "she was a good girl" - and the explanation, though "it was the simplest possible", had been full of explanations of things like "dimension interceptions", "time vortex" and everything. And Eugenie could blame only herself for that. Sometimes she just needed to know it all in details.

And now there was a reason to do it once again. As soon as she entered the classroom, the talks of her classmates stopped, and more than twenty eyes stared at her in disbelief, if not fear. Feeling creeps down her spine, Eugenie took her place and casually began:

"Hi. What's up? Did I suddenly grow a second head?"

Evelyn was the first to speak to her.

"Your eyes, Eugenie".

"What about my eyes?"

"They're green".

"What are you talking about? They've always been green".

"But they should've been red!" Evelyn exclaimed with such seriousness that Eugenie even doubted if she was on the correct planet. Evelyn would always talk about most unexpected things (mostly related to dark mythology and up-to-date adaptations of it), but this was too much. Judging by the pop-eyed reaction of almost all the classmates, she had told loads of things to them before Eugenie's arrival.

"Why so?" Eugenie asked, her eyebrows jumping almost till her hairline.

"I told you that this man was a vampire!" Evelyn shouted triumphantly. "I saw him biting your neck - no doubt, he was drinking your blood! But why didn't you become the same with him?!"

For a second Eugenie wanted to throw the truth at her face (at least the fact that the Doctor wasn't any mythical being... well, perhaps he was from a different world, but not from myths, that was for sure), but then bit the inside of her cheeks and pressed the words down.

"Maybe I just didn't want to", she replied ironically. "Sure that this was me?"

Evelyn almost pressed her phone to Eugenie's nose - there was a fresh recording going on. Guess what was its plot... But then Lionel decided to help Eugenie (thank goodness he had common sense, she thought):

"Oh pleeeease, Evelyn! Haven't you read Sherlock Holmes stories?"

"What are you talking about, Lionel?" Evelyn snapped.

"About the story with the same beginning", Lionel went on. "Don't remember its name. Vampires in Sussex or something... BAH! How could I expect you've read that? The fact remains the fact, folks: this action", he carelessly waved his hand, meaning the phone recording, "may resemble not only blood drinking. If you do have a slight drop of imagination, you can understand what I'm talking about... Anyway, Evelyn, don't you feel ashamed? I would've felt like that if I were you".

"I just want to know the truth, and I know it, unlike you, science-head", Evelyn sniffed.

The truth is that there's a bruise on my neck and something extraordinary is happening next door, Eugenie thought.

* * *

"That's good news. The TARDIS is slowly leaving her trap, and pretty soon she'll be free", the Doctor assumed after one more checking of the time machine's condition. The reply to his words was a tense "vshvworp". "Ah, well. Perhaps some track will stay, in the present, in the past..."

Knock knock knock knock knock. Pause. Then knocking turned into banging - the one on the outside was either in a great hurry or panicking. Or both.

"Doctor, it's that girl, Eugenie", Victoria informed - she was the closest to the window. "Should I let her inside?"

"Leave it to me". Without turning around, the Doctor took his sonic screwdriver out and aimed it at the door, letting red-faced and panting Eugenie rush in - this couldn't be expressed another way because the girl was in such hurry that she immediately tripped over and flopped onto the floor.

"What's the haste?" the Doctor asked, approaching to her and helping her stand up.

"I've got another... question". The pause before the word "question" was caused by Eugenie's sudden realization that no one was close enough to the previously-locked door to open it. In addition in banged closed by itself, and the lock clicked, identifying its being "active".

"This is a sonic screwdriver. Never fails", the Doctor announced, beaming at Eugenie. No way, he did look like an over-grown little boy. "Just a bit of influence on hinges and lock... Well, what's up, my sweet?"

"It's about... errrr... well..." Suddenly it occurred to Eugenie that there wasn't any sense. Why had she rushed here immediately after school? She had nothing to do with these three, they weren't her relatives, she was familiar with them for just a day, even less... But still she had arrived here as soon as she could. Feeling like a proper imbecile, she blushed and bit her bottom lip. Anyone normal would've just lived on, but no! Eugenie Stratton had to get stuck in a story!

"Eugenie? Is there something wrong?" The Doctor's voice brought her out of her blaming herself for being reckless.

"MyclassmateEvelynthinksyouareavampire", Eugenie blabbed - or no, it was her tongue speaking for her. Her brains completely switched themselves off. Just like a computer when the electricity is off (and her electricity - common sense - wasn't going to return).

"A vampire? You told me that people weren't superstitious at this time", sounded Jamie's voice from upstairs.

"I told you that some of them rejected old superstitions - only to take up new", the Doctor corrected. "Now tell me about this in details, Eugenie".

"What are we going to do then, Doctor?" Victoria asked.

"It depends on what Eugenie is going to tell", the Doctor replied. "But anyway, we'll give people what they want".

A while later, when Eugenie explained the situation (which included the details about technical devices like cameras and phones - no wonder, because Jamie and Victoria revealed to have come from different time, the past - and about up-to-date "vampire and wizard mythology"), it seemed to her that nothing more outstanding could happen to her anymore. Haunted house, technical wonders, people from the past - what else? And this all hunted by a gang of teens keen to prove their being right (or at least their opinion) - of course, Evelyn had already been the leader of the gang crazy on "dark side". Total Twihards.

"What's Twihards?" Jamie asked - this was the one hundred and first question during Eugenie's explanation.

"The super-fans of the vampire story Twilight", Eugenie exhaled. "And I presume that the eye color stereotype is from there".

"Don't tell me you know nothing about relative stories", the Doctor squinted at her.

"Well, I do, but that doesn't mean I like them. Evelyn and her friends are all like "it's so cool, so cool", and moreover, they tend to think that everybody should behave like them when it comes about those stories".

"Good girl".

"And what if that Evelyn's already here?" Jamie suddenly mentioned. "Eugenie said that she filmed the moment..."

"Relax, Jamie, I've upgraded the windows. Now we can see what's on the outside and can't be seen from there".

For a moment Eugenie doubted once again. Why would she stay here to help those three? Why would she believe that they all were... No reason, really. Eugenie believed in this madness, and that was all. Would she have stayed here if it wasn't so?.. Her thoughts were interrupted by a weird sound which she knew. Fire cracking, or breathing, or engine? Whatever. "Vwoooooorp". She had heard this sound when she had been very small, exploring this house.

"It's okay. It's my fault, a bit of a rough landing echoing through time", the Doctor mentioned. Gods, this casual tone was the most unbearable - Eugenie just didn't understand why she trusted him. "Okay then, if now we are to calm down a group of fanatics, we're going to begin now".

"By giving them what they want?" Victoria wondered without really understanding what her older friend was up to - as well as Jamie.

"Mm-hmm. The one who comes with a sword dies because of a sword. No-no. We're not going to hurt anybody, we'll just tickle their feet. Use our conts as our pros".

* * *

Evelyn had always thought that she was right in her theories. Everything from the dark mythology existed - then how would you explain all those mystic happenings along history? All those myths about creatures of the night had to be real, and therefore they had to evolve during their living side-by-side with everybody else. Yeah, there were the ones who supported other theories - like Jeannie who believed that magic was real, but Evelyn knew that she, and only she, was right. No doubt, Eugenie had been bitten by a vampire, but she hadn't wanted to admit. Okay then, Evelyn was going to prove her point and after school directed her feet right to the haunted house.

This time it appeared more complex. Firstly, the windows were showing only her reflection and not the rooms inside. Cunning rogue Eugenie, Evelyn thought. Warned her friends from the Other Side! But no. The door appeared to be opened, as if inviting her in. Satisfied, Evelyn entered. She wasn't any dark creature, so she didn't have to get an invitation to walk over the doorstep. And she wished she were... It must be cool to be a vampire, Evelyn thought, looking around. Or a werewolf, or something...

The house was full of old - if not to say "ancient" - furniture. Bulky, old and creaky. No wonder it was haunted! The first thing which attracted Evelyn was a leather-bound book on the nearest table - or it wasn't the book, but the writing on it. 500 YEAR DIARY. Who can keep such diary except an immortal being? It didn't even bother Evelyn that it wasn't her property - she grabbed the book and looked through it. Its pages were covered with combinations or circular forms, dots, lines - who knew if such language even existed? But that wasn't language which made Evelyn excited. The diary, though looking like an ordinary notebook on the outside, in some way - in some peculiar way - contained more than a thousand pages. Evelyn was quickly turning them over, and they didn't wish to end.

"Wow", she only managed to press out. What the heck? Okay, THAT was magic. But still wizards had an average length of life... Evelyn closed the diary and put it on its proper place, then decided to go upstairs. Why? She was intrigued by the rustle which came from there.

And her expectations were accomplished, though not fully the way she imagined - there was a large bat flying around in the corridor up there. Evelyn smirked - of course, what would the vampire house be without bats? Old, but holy tradition. She glanced into the nearest room, which contained almost nothing except a couple of air-beds and several strange gears scattered around the floor. Nothing special, and the house seemed to be empty anyway.

But here the "nothing special" part was to end.

The bat flew into the room from which Evelyn went out, a soft flop followed, and the sound of feet against the floor followed. But the room had been empty, and there were no other ways out of it except the one next to which she was standing! And the in-built cupboards in the room were wide open, so there was no place to hide... All of her sureness gone like air from the balloon, Evelyn slowly turned around, having lost the ability to speak.

The bat was gone. Instead, a young man in a red kilt was standing in the middle of the room, shaking dust off the sleeves of his shirt. No way. No way... Evelyn wanted to back away, but her feet were seemingly petrified. The lad finished cleaning his clothing, glanced up at Evelyn and, as if nothing had happened, smiled at her. Yes, his teeth were all perfectly human, no sharp fangs...

"Aren't you afraid? People usually run away scared after catching me doing this", the lad informed. Evelyn swallowed the lump in her throat and finally spoke, pretending that bats turning into people were an everyday matter:

"I'm not. You know, I tolerate extraordinary things well".

"Glad to hear it. My name is Jamie McCrimmon". The lad reached his hand to her with a reassuring smile, and Evelyn, though now far away from being as sure as at the beginning, took it. There was something wrong. This Jamie had to be a vampire, so why was his palm so very warm? Of the same temperature as hers. And his eyes... they were dark brown. But that was fine. Vegetarian vampires - those who lived on animals' blood, not on humans' - could have such eye color. And he wasn't a beauty. Good-looking? Yes, but not a beauty. "Don't be afraid, I'm not going to bite you". Jamie beamed even wider.

Something was terribly wrong. Evelyn was sure about his being not human, but he couldn't be a true true vampire either. Didn't all books tell different things?.. Without realizing her action, Evelyn quickly asked:

"When were you born?"

"In 1728, if I remember correctly", Jamie replied. "And that's the gospel truth".

There was a thud from downstairs. Perhaps someone came home... and Jamie's reaction to it found Evelyn dumbfounded again: he was gone right in front of her eyes, replaced by the bat again. Evelyn, dazed, flopped on her bottom, her expression similar to those with which cartoon characters are drawn when they're surprised. In a second she, not feeling her feet under her with... no, that wasn't fear, that was this nasty sensation which pretends to be it... whatever, she creept downstairs. Only to see another thing which is rare to be seen in the sensible world.

A little messy man in worn clothing was holding the Jamie-bat in his grasp, caressing its head with his finger - the eerie parody of a loving owner petting his cat.

"What, that fan made you reveal your secret to her?" he asked, letting the bat go. But it didn't dash away, flying circles around the little man's scruffy head instead. Evelyn wanted to say that she didn't force Jamie to "reveal his secret", he did it at his will, but her tongue now was wooden. And not only because of this petting the transformed bat - she recognized who the little man was. The same who had bitten Eugenie! Feeling completely frozen inside, Evelyn made her legs carry her downstairs.

In a second the bat stopped its endless merry-go-round, flew a bit farther and changed into Jamie again.

"She didn't make me, Doctor", he replied. "I was just tired of flying around. Anyway, our guest got what she wanted".

In a moment all Evelyn's bravery came back, and she slid down the peril to look the little man in the face:

"That was you! You bit Eugenie Stratton! You were attempting to turn her into the being like you!"

"EH?!" The little man's expression rapidly changed to shocked.

"I even have a video", Evelyn announced. "Well, if you wanted to turn someone into a vampire, why wasn't it me? Too lazy to search for the candidate who wants what you give?"

During this super-quick speech she almost rammed the little man, stepping to him. And then spotted the wrong thing again - he was cool, if not cold. Human body temperature is usually much higher. And his eyes weren't either red or brown - they were blue, though at first they seemed green. And amber a second later.

This was the last drop. Evelyn broke down.

* * *

Eugenie literally fell out of the cupboard, clutching her ribs with laughter. In a moment Jamie collapsed onto the floor next to her, laughing like insane. Victoria, who had been hiding in the same cupboard with Eugenie, wasn't going to keep a straight face either, while the Doctor gave out a sigh upon the sight of Evelyn fleeing for her life.

"Poor girl. We've given her a fine scare, I think", he mused with a serious face, though cheerful sparkles were dancing in his eyes. "I always said that people talking a lot about things are usually afraid to meet them face-to-face".

When the "laughter attack" reduced, Eugenie and Jamie raised themselves onto their knees and, still unable to hold the remains of emotions filling them, locked each other in a reassuring embrace.

"Now she's going either to drive all school crazy with vampires or not speak about them forever", Eugenie managed to press out. "But I still don't get it. How did you manage that trick with a bat?"

"I was going to ask that too", Victoria added.

"Well... a small perception filter". The Doctor nodded to Jamie, and he rolled his sleeve up, showing a narrow metal bracelet. "When activated, it makes the object invisible. Or no, unnoticeable. Show her, Jamie". The lad obeyed, and in a moment he was gone from Eugenie's vision - or no, he wasn't, he was there, but now... as a part of interior which isn't noticed because it's usual. "See? You know that he's there, but that girl didn't". The effect was gone. "The bat flies into the room where Jamie's hiding with the filter active, Jamie hides the bat into his sporran and deactivates the filter, but the girl thinks the bat changed into a human. And back. See how easy it is to make an illusion? Besides, Jamie told the truth about his date of birth".

"And what about the bat? They're half not as friendly as this", Victoria mentioned.

The Doctor whistled a long note, and the bat, who had been beating its wings under the ceiling, lowered down to him.

"Well, if that's a TARDIS library bat, you can count on it", he said. "We've been friends for quite a while. That vampire-crazy girl gave us a bit of trouble, eh, Chris?"

Eugenie rubbed the tears of laughter away and finally stood up.

"But I don't understand one thing. Your hands. They are so cold".

The Doctor reacted to it a bit strangely - took her wrist, and Eugenie felt how his fingers got warmer with every moment until they reached normal human temperature.

"Is that better?"

Now it was Eugenie's turn to get "wooden". Again.

"Don't worry", the Doctor grinned. "That's just me".

Upon this Eugenie recalled something else.

"Emm... don't want to bother you, but the new researchers may come", she muttered. "This time magic-seekers".

"Don't worry, we'll soon leave", the Doctor pointed out. "And if they come earlier - then it'll be my turn to act".


End file.
